so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
