Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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