i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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