Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
