The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
