somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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