I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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