i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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