I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
