Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
