apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
