i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
