Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
