I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
