I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
