I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
