ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
