The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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