Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
