Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
