I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
