Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
