I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
