Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
