So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
