We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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