A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
