I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When did angry sex become our thing?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
