we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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