he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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