I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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