I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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