she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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