There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's get the cat blown out
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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