We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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