So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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