have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
