All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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