At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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