I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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