Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
