Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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