And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
