ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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