She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
