Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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