WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
