Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
