my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
