I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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