How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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