Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
